Sex and Aging

The first step to maintaining an active, fulfilling sex life is getting to know some of the normal physical changes you're likely to experience as you get older. The next step is being open to making a few simple adjustments to your standard sexual routine.

What to Expect
There are several age-related changes that may affect your sex life. Both men and women experience changes in their bodies as they grow older. You already know that. But did you know that in many ways, aging affects sexuality similarly in women and men? For instance, after a certain age, it takes both men and women longer to become sexually aroused. So rather than worrying about your changing body and slower response time, talk to your partner -- he or she may be experiencing something remarkably similar.

Still, there are a few changes that are unique to men or unique to women. Read on to find out more about what you or your partner may be experiencing.

Changes in Women
Growing older, particularly for women, tends to be associated with a significant drop in sex drive, but research suggests that some women may actually experience more frequent and more intense orgasms as they age. And after menopause -- without

Can I get pregnant if I'm going through menopause?
During menopause, periods tend to be irregular and unpredictable, and this can last for months or even a few years. But you can still get pregnant during menopause, even if it's been 6 months since your last period. So if you don't want to get pregnant, use some form of contraception until it's been at least 12 months since your last period. That's when you are considered to be through menopause.

the risk of an unplanned pregnancy -- many women find they enjoy sex more fully and freely than ever before.

Nevertheless, most women will experience a number of changes around menopause that may make sexual activity uncomfortable, or even painful. The good news is that many of these changes can be easily remedied, and sex can be just as comfortable as it was prior to menopause.

Age-Related Change #1: Vaginal Dryness
During and after menopause, lower levels of estrogen circulating in a woman's body may cause the lining of the vagina to become dry and fragile. It may feel itchy and sore, and as a result, penetrative sex may be painful. If the lining of the vagina is very dry, intercourse can cause chafing and bleeding. So it's easy to see why a woman experiencing vaginal dryness might want to avoid sex.

Pain can also occur because of age-related changes in the size and shape of your vaginal canal.

What You Can Do
Try a water-based vaginal lubricant, such as Replens® or K-Y® Long-Lasting Vaginal Moisturizer. These types of lubricants can help relieve dryness and irritation and are available over-the-counter.

Some lubricants are designed for application just before intercourse, but the longer-lasting moisturizers are specifically for menopause-related dryness and they help keep the vagina moist for up to 72 hours.

For many women, over-the-counter moisturizers do the trick, but if they don't work well for you, consider talking to your doctor about a prescription estrogen cream.

If intercourse is painful despite adequate lubrication, you may need to experiment with different sexual positions. If pain persists, see your doctor.

Age-Related Change #2: Slower Response Time
As you get older, it may take longer for your body to respond to sexual stimulation. Even if you feel highly aroused, your natural lubrication may take time to kick in, and you may not become as wet as you used to.

While this is not necessarily a sign of disinterest, some women, or their partners, may misinterpret it as such. To avoid misunderstandings, keep the lines of communication open. It may not be easy to talk about sex at first, but in the long run, it will benefit both of you.

What You Can Do
Don't rush things. Spend more time on what's traditionally been considered foreplay. Explore each other's body: kiss, caress, lick, or give each other erotic massages. And remember, if your partner is about the same age as you, he too may need more time and stimulation to become sexually aroused.

Age-Related Change #3: Weakening Pelvic Muscles
Our muscles weaken as we age, and the pelvic muscles are no exception. Pelvic muscles play a key role in sexual function for both women and men, so it's important to keep these muscles in shape.

Pelvic-floor muscles are partly responsible for drawing blood to the genitals during sexual activity, affecting vaginal lubrication and orgasm. As pelvic muscles weaken, women may experience shorter or less powerful orgasms and may be at increased risk for urinary incontinence and uterine prolapse.

What You Can Do
Strengthen your pelvic muscles by doing Kegel exercises every day. They're easy to do, but they're also easy to get wrong. Follow these step-by-step instructions to make sure you're getting the most from your pelvic workout.

Remember that a healthy sex life is one that's healthy for you, and for your partner, if you have one. There's no such thing as a "normal" level of desire or an optimal frequency for sex. If you're not interested in sex at this time in your life and it's not affecting your relationship, then that's healthy for you.

Changes in Men
One of the main concerns for many men as they grow older (and even when they're young) is that they won't be able to perform anymore -- that they'll have trouble getting an erection, or that their erections won't be firm enough for sex. The technical term is erectile dysfunction (ED).

The truth is, the causes of erectile dysfunction are varied and complex, but ED is not an inevitable consequence of aging.

Concerned about erectile dysfunction (ED)?
Staying healthy by being physically active, eating a balanced diet, and maintaining a healthy weight benefits your overall–and sexual–health, and may help prevent ED. But if you’re experiencing ongoing, significant erectile difficulties, it may be a symptom of an underlying health issue.

As men age, however, certain physiological changes that are likely to affect sexual functioning to a lesser degree do occur. An enlarged prostate can inhibit an erection. Levels of the hormone testosterone, believed to be linked to libido and sexual virility, gradually decrease, and blood flow to the genital area may not be as rapid as it was earlier in life.

But these changes don't have to mean you're heading into a sexual sunset. In fact, studies show that as many as 7 out of 10 healthy 70-year-olds report having sex once a week, and many men enjoy sex well into their 80s, 90s, and even 100s.

Familiarizing yourself with some of the natural changes associated with aging may help you minimize potential problems and develop your more mature sexual self.

Age-Related Change #1: Slower Response Time
As you get older, it may take longer for your body to respond to sexual stimulation. Even if you feel highly aroused, it's normal for older men to need longer, stronger stimulation to achieve an
erection.

Although this is not necessarily a sign of disinterest or a lack of attraction, some men, and their partners, may misinterpret it as such. To avoid misunderstandings, keep the lines of communication open. It may not be easy to talk about sex at first, but in the long run, it will benefit both of you.

What You Can Do
Don't rush things. Spend more time on what's traditionally been considered foreplay. Explore each other's body: kiss, caress, lick, or give each other erotic massages.

And remember that if your partner is about the same age as you, she may also need more time and stimulation to become sexually
aroused.

If you are unable to become aroused on a regular basis, speak with your healthcare provider. There could be a treatable underlying condition causing your difficulties.

Age-Related Change #2: Weak Erections and Weakening Pelvic Muscles
Many older men find that their erections are different than they were in their younger years. They may not be as hard, they may not last as long, and the experience of ejaculation may not feel as strong as it used to.

This may be due, in part, to weakening pelvic-floor muscles. Pelvic-floor muscles are responsible for drawing blood to the genitals during sexual activity, affecting erection and orgasm.

What You Can Do
For some men, having sex in the morning, when erections are more likely, helps improve their ability to maintain an erection longer. But keep in mind that penetrative sex isn't the only way to have great sex. Experiment with different sexual activities to figure out what feels best for you at this time in your life.

You can also strengthen your pelvic muscles by doing Kegel exercises every day. You may have heard that these are exercises especially for women, but they can benefit men, too.

They're easy to do, but they're also easy to get wrong. Follow these step-by-step instructions to make sure you're getting the most from your pelvic workout.

Age-Related Change #3: Longer Refractory Periods

Less Is More
Many people find that although they may not have sex as often as they used to, the quality of their sexual encounters improves with age.

It's common for older men to experience a longer refractory period -- the time it takes until your body's ready for another erection after you ejaculate. In some cases, the cooling off period may be as long as 12 to 24 hours, or more.

What you can do
If you've climaxed, but you or your partner isn't ready for the sexual experience to end just yet, focus on meeting your partner's needs or on activities that don't require an erection. For example, you don't need an erection for oral sex or manual stimulation.

Whatever you do, don't get stressed worrying about your virility. This is a normal change that comes with aging, not a sign that you're losing your touch. And you will likely find that the different sexual activities you engage in without an erection are still highly pleasurable -- for both you and your partner. Just be sure to reassure your partner that your refractory period is not a reflection of how you feel about her.